As a teacher and a parent, I know how important social-emotional learning (SEL) is. It can make the difference whether a child has friends, can participate in class, and can learn. We know that when children do not have the necessary social-emotional skills by first grade, they are less likely to thrive, academically or socially. Research by the Baltimore Educational Resource Coalition found that between 50% and 75% of kindergarten children in Baltimore are already not meeting the social-emotional benchmarks essential for their long-term success.

As a parent, I recall the 2nd-grade teacher saying at parent night that she could tell whose parents told their kids 5 times to do something. And well, (Gulp), as much as the judgement didn't feel great, she was kinda right.

What we do at school impacts a child's ability to learn social-emotional skills, and what happens at home does too. It's easy, as teachers, to judge parents, and yet we also know that all kids bring different challenges, and parents are faced with mounting pressures that can get in the way.

If you were to tell your parents how to teach social-emotional learning at home, what would you share? It turns out that often the ways teachers try to help can make it worse. There are specific things that you can share with parents that can make a big difference.

What is not helpful?

Oftentimes, in an effort to help and get parents to teach their children SEL at home, teachers inadvertently raise the stress in parents, which can backfire.

For example, the teacher who shares a vaguely described concern with a parent, such as "Annie does not really try as hard as she could." or "Ray is very disruptive in class." This is followed by a suggestion that the parent work on this at home or talk to the child. This often leads to stress and confusion. What are they doing that is disruptive? How often? Why?

And stress limits the parent's ability to think and help. Furthermore, they are tasked with doing something at home about it when they are not really even able to understand it, much less be there to make a change.

Some parents simply get defensive or overwhelmed and argue with the teacher or shut down. Others end up punishing the child at home for being disruptive, which rarely translates to attentive behavior in school. Some promise rewards for a "good day." And none of these are likely to help.

What can parents do?

First, it helps for parents to understand what SEL is and how it develops. It also helps to understand the ways parents can foster SEL at home so that it can transfer to school as well.

It turns out that to teach SEL at home, parents can do this through their relationship with predictable behaviors and skills. Research shows that even in times of stress, when parents have specific skills in their interactions with children, those children build social-emotional skills and resilience. Those skills are not something we are born with, and they can be learned.

Building motivation and confidence

It starts with how the parent sends a child off to school in the morning. There is a specific skill that the adult can use that is more likely to build the child's confidence than telling them how smart they are.

When children are specifically reinforced for their efforts without labels, they are more likely to persevere when things are hard and repeat positive behaviors. This free mini-lesson can be shared with parents, so you don't need to explain it.

Managing Emotions

And teaching SEL at home includes how parents help their child through stressful moments to help them self-regulate. This is because children learn to regulate through co-regulation.

How the adult shows up for that child and responds can help the child feel calm, understood, and connected. This leads to their ability to manage emotions, even when the parent is not there to help. This free mini-lesson can help parents do this as well. 

Self Management

And finally, for those parents who are trying to reward good behavior and ask you the challenging question of whether it was a good day or a bad day while they decide if the child gets a treat, help your parent learn how a child truly learns positive behaviors in a way that leads to sustainable growth. This mini lesson helps parents find new ways to motivate and support their child at school. 

Sharing with parents

To help your parents build social-emotional skills at home, there are ways to communicate with them so that they can support their child without triggering more stress than they already feel.

It helps to share concrete information without being vague and without judgment. Such as, "Today, when I asked Joy to try the letter activity, she said she could not without trying it first." Or, "Today in circle time, Ray made jokes while I was reading the story."

By sharing this neutral and specific example, the parent gets a better idea of what is happening, so that they can bring it up with their child. And when you ask for their help, be specific. Such as, "It might help to reinforce Joy's efforts at home when she tries letters by pointing out what she tries."

By sharing specific information without judgment and research-informed resources, parents have the tools and the partnership they need to foster SEL in their children at home. Many of the blogs at Mariposaeducation.org can help them do just that.