Why You Should Share How You Feel

Research shows that it is important for adults to share their emotions with children. Dr. John Gottman points out that Emotion Coaching parents are effective in raising emotionally intelligent children, and these parents “value the purpose and power of emotions in their lives, they are not afraid to show emotions around their children.” (Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child, Gottman, 1997.) Furthermore, children become better able to regulate their own responses to strong emotions when we are able to share our own feelings (both negative and positive). In other words, children need their parents to be able to express their feelings in order to build the connected relationships that lead to social emotional resilience. 

There are some real challenges to do that. Many adults are not equipped to do so, and one of the most common mistakes I see teachers and parents make is to simply say: “That makes me sad.” in response...

When your child acts out or in

As parents, we recognize that when our child hesitates to enter a party, or looks down and fiddles with something, that they might be feeling nervous or anxious. And when we see anxiety present in this way, we want to help. We don’t always know how, but seeing your child be nervous to talk to someone or anxious to try something new usually brings out our feelings of empathy and compassion – well maybe our own anxiety, too. 

But what about when our child is running around teasing their sister before school? Or when they snap at you in the car at pick up? Chances are you feel annoyed, maybe even angry. But, quite often this, too, is how anxiety can show up in children.

Children with stress or anxiety will act out or act in, and they are likely to elicit different responses. If you, as a parent can understand these, you can alter your response. 

When Anxiety Gets in the way

Anxiety, whether a pervasive issue for your child or...

Anxiety in children is on the rise

Anxiety is on the rise everywhere. It was rising before the pandemic and now it is higher for kids and for adults. In our efforts to help, many are seeking parent help programs for an anxious child – from yoga and meditation to therapy or even finding an emotional support animal. And in all of this, whether they find these supports helpful, you still do not know how to help a child who is anxious yourself, and how to support them in those high stress moments. You might find that while you are trying to help, you still feel ineffective and overwhelmed when your child is not able to go to school or camp, or engage in things they like, due to anxiety. Here are some common myths we would like to dispel as you consider how to help.

Myth #1: Anxiety looks like shyness and shutting down.

When we think of an anxious child, we immediately picture the shy child with their head down biting their nails, or the child quietly re-doing their...