The Importance of the Journey to School

Whether you walk to school or the bus stop or drive your child to school, we all hope to have a pleasant start to the day together. We hope to set the tone so our child heads into school with confidence and we head off to our day feeling good too. But many of the things we do actually create the opposite effect. 

What Gets in the Way

For example, we remind our child of the many things that we want them to do when we cannot be there…”Turn in your permission form!” ,”Remember to ask your math teacher when you don’t understand so you can do the homework”, “Please eat your sandwich so you are not so hungry.” We do all of this in an attempt to protect and care for them, even when we are not there. And while our kids do need some reminding, chances are the reminders for things that are later in the day can create anxiety and stress for our child. They can’t do it right now…so...

Anxiety About Going Back To School

Going back to school this fall is a loaded endeavor with stress and anxiety flowing through the air for the kids and the grown ups who are caring for them. 

Is my child ready? Are they behind, and if so behind what? Will things be “normal” and what is normal? Will my child have friends and feel less stress and anxiety? Will they get in trouble at school? And children have their own anxieties around school too. Some they share and some not. There are so many “What ifs”. One child recently said to me, “What if I am asked to read, I mess up and everyone laughs at me?” We can’t promise that won’t happen. But what can we do?

What This Year Brings

While many parents cannot wait for kids to be back to school, there is a lot of anxiety around it too, and not just about COVID.This past year was not as “normal” as we had hoped. With the staffing shortages, increase in challenging behaviors,...

How we inadvertently fuel anxiety, instead of helping

Parents are asking: What can I do to help my child’s anxiety? And to talk about what to do when a child has anxiety, we have to also talk about what not to do, because its all too common that in our efforts to help, we may actually be fueling the cycle of anxiety. 

Understanding the Cycle of Anxiety

First, let’s understand the cycle of anxiety and how some of our common ways of helping can fuel that cycle. When a child is afraid to do something, such as go in their room alone or join a social activity, they may avoid it. And when they avoid it, they feel relief. And yet this feeling of relief is temporary as now their anxiety about going in their room or going to a friend’s house can get bigger. And the longer they avoid it, the bigger it gets.

Fueling anxiety through avoidance 

One mistake parents make when trying to help their child with anxiety is to completely avoid the task, despite...

Anxiety in children is on the rise

Anxiety is on the rise everywhere. It was rising before the pandemic and now it is higher for kids and for adults. In our efforts to help, many are seeking parent help programs for an anxious child – from yoga and meditation to therapy or even finding an emotional support animal. And in all of this, whether they find these supports helpful, you still do not know how to help a child who is anxious yourself, and how to support them in those high stress moments. You might find that while you are trying to help, you still feel ineffective and overwhelmed when your child is not able to go to school or camp, or engage in things they like, due to anxiety. Here are some common myths we would like to dispel as you consider how to help.

Myth #1: Anxiety looks like shyness and shutting down.

When we think of an anxious child, we immediately picture the shy child with their head down biting their nails, or the child quietly re-doing their...

Challenging Behaviors are on the Rise

In our work in schools and homes, we often are asked to help when a child’s behavior has gotten very worrisome. The parents are feeling something is wrong with their child. The school has often recommended behavior management courses for parents. Often the parent believes that they have not been firm or consistent enough. And through this behavior program, the parent can regain control. This is when things typically go from bad to worse. At Mariposa Education, while we do help parents with skills to get control, we also know that many strategies can backfire and make things worse. We help parents avoid those pitfalls.

Mistake #1: Focusing on the Behavior 

One common mistake is focusing only on the behavior, without considering the cause of the behavior. In many behavior management courses for parents, parents are told to look only at the antecedent right before the behavior. For example, you ask your child if they have picked...

When the Parent Child Relationship is Off Balance

In any parent child relationship, there is conflict. We know that by being the parent, we may make decisions our children don’t like, and often find ourselves the receivers of tantrums, outbursts, and blame. It isn’t always easy. But we also hope to enjoy moments of closeness, when we are the receivers of affection, shared stories and confidences, gratitude, care and deeds. Very often in the course of parenting, we might feel that the level of conflict is higher than the level of closeness. In other words things are off balance, and we know we want to change it, but feel stuck…

Whether its a toddler whose favorite word is “no” or a teenager who is more often in their room with the door closed than feels comfortable, and whether its just something you have felt since the argument you had this morning or its been going on all year, it feels off when the parent child relationship is off balance. You know...

Anxiety has been rising in children even before the pandemic and now some studies say it has doubled, which means anxiety is also high in parents, because it is contagious and it's spreading as fast as the virus. While this seems like there is little you can do to stop it, there are things you can do to mitigate the impact and help your child lower the anxiety as well as move through it to do hard things.

Why our efforts to help an anxious child often fail

When our children are anxious, they can’t think as well and they have difficulty doing things, which makes the anxiety worse. It's cyclical. And we know that if they worried less and just talked to that friend, walked into that room, started that project, or just tried to go into their room alone, they could see they could do it on their own. The problem is — telling your child this information rarely works — we don’t calm down because someone tells us to. And while they may need some...

So often, in our parenting courses, our parent coaching, and in my work as an administrator, parents come to talk about their children, and often when they are very worried. The parent wants to know what to say and do to buffer their child during a divorce, what to do when they are asked not to come back to a camp, how to handle their child’s behavior challenges that are driving others away, or how to help their child be heard and seen in their school or friendships…this is on top of all of the day to day conflicts over going to bed, meals, getting out the door. Sitting down with that parent to talk it through is always worth the time. Because the parent child relationship is powerful in its ability to build resilience. 

 Barriers to a successful parent child relationship

 A quality relationship with an emotionally skilled adult is the single most predictive factor for resilience. So the importance of the parent child relationship cannot be overstated....